Here is a brief (and not at all comprehensive) list of assholes -- or people who are simply jackasses (which is another, related category) -- whom I have encountered this week:
1) "He's Not Black," by Marie Arana, in the Washington Post. While she is correct in her summary of the multiracial genetics of many, if not most humans, and while it would be nice if one day humans could recognize this and move beyond racism; Arana is completely ignores the social construction of race, particularly in the U.S. In fact, in reading this column, I think of the fabulous Wanda Sykes and her bit about Tiger Woods (a clip that I cannot seem to find on YouTube, but it is in her concert video "Sick and Tired"). Sykes says that she remembers when Tiger Woods was black; but the more successful Woods became, the less announcers would call him "black" and the smaller the percentage of African heritage they would grant him. "Tiger Woods, he's 1/2 black. Tiger Woods, now he's 1/4 black. Woo, Tiger Woods, now he's 1/16th black." She said that the only reason they would continue to admit that he was black was because his father would show up at the matches. (Of course she said it much funnier, than I.) Now that Obama is president, Arana seems to say, "Barack Obama, he's 1/2 black. Barack Obama, he's 1/4 black. Barack Obama, he's not black at all." To say he's black is to perpetuate racism.
2) The person driving the station wagon down Gravel Street in Mystic. This person stopped in the middle of a street that was barely wide enough for two Model Ts, and waited while her passenger jumped out of the car and ran into the flower shop to make an order. "Fuck the rest of you guys trying to drive down this street in the shopping district on the busiest Saturday morning of the year," she seemed to say, "I'm not going to circle the block or try to find a parking space to wait up the road until my passenger returns. I'm going to sit right here blocking two lanes of traffic waiting for her."
3) While we are on the subject of asshole drivers, let's add the three white sedans zigzagging through traffic across the George Washington bridge on Saturday night. These guys narrowly missed taking off a few rear view mirrors in their effort to demonstrate that their timely arrival was far more important than the safety of everyone whom they nearly shoved off of the road and into the Hudson.
4) Let's also add the SUVs who drive with their headlights on bright. Simply owning an SUV seems to say to the world, "fuck you all, I'm going to use as much gas as possible, create as much pollution as possible, create driving hazards for those who cannot see around me as they try to pull out of parking spaces or when I blind them by having headlights that, under normal conditions, shine directly into their rear view mirrors when I tailgate them. I have to keep my family SAFE, dammit." Driving with your lights on "bright" in even moderately heavy traffic, thereby blinding everyone withing a mile ahead of you just adds to your asshole status.
5) And how about the person driving that electric blue sport scar that came zooming down the parking garage ramp and around a hairpin curb only to come within a foot of running me down? It's not a speedway, asshole. By the way, only dudes who are overcompensating for something make their cars growl like that.
6) The maintenance department at my apartment complex. I called the emergency number on Thursday when my dishwasher would not drain, so my dishes were rinsed with dirty water, which then sat at the bottom of the machine. When I ran the water in my sink, it drained into the dishwasher, which then overflowed onto the floor. This meant that I couldn't wash the dishes in the sink. Twenty-four hours later, I had not heard a peep from them, so I called the emergency number and put in a second work order, because that is all that you can do. Then, I called the management office and left a message indicating that, while I understood that this was a holiday weekend, they call these situations "emergencies" for a reason. I left town for the next two days, and returned early Sunday morning to find the water still standing in the bottom of my dishwasher, gradually becoming more and more rank. No indication that maintenance had even dropped by. So, I called management again, left another message in which I informed them that my next call would be to the county because a person should not have to wait four days or more to have an emergency maintenance situation addressed. Invoking the county results in more responsive and apologetic management. This was not the first time that this has happened either. Still, no word from them as of Sunday evening when I called in the problem for the third time. They finally showed up on Monday morning. Why bother with an "emergency" number if the emergency isn't going to be addressed until regular business hours? Assholes.
7) While we are on the subject of apartment management, the same people for their responses to the parking shortage that they created. About six months ago, they doubled the price of the garage parking, so everyone stopped using it, thereby flooding the parking lot, which is free. When people complain that there are absolutely NO parking spaces after about 9 in the evening, the managements says, "it's not our fault." The shortage may not be their "fault," but it sure as hell is their problem when 1/4 of their tenants cannot park unless they pay $75/month for the privilege. When tenants complain, too, management tells them to park on other properties -- properties that they do not manage, do not have the same owners, and with which owners they do not have any agreement for such an arrangement. Then, they brag and say "this is just a sign that we are so popular that we have a high occupation rate." Yeah, we'll see how long that high occupation rate lasts with that attitude.
8) The clerk at my book signing who pointed to the title of my book and said, "shouldn't that be 'An History' instead of 'A History'?" I replied, "I probably should have caught that, but that was the least of my battles over the book." "Well," he said, "It's a pretty big and permanent mistake to have." How did expect me to respond to that? Did he think he was being cute? Did he think that he was impressing me with his brilliance? Did he think that, by pointing it out, he had invalidated my authorship of the book and validated his own importance? What was the point? But, then, I met that attitude a lot in That Place. Must be the water. That, or all of the big fishes flopping around in a shrinking pond that they think is the entirety of the world.
9) My "friends" who did not show up for my book signing even when explicitly invited. They know who they are. They know what they are, too.
10) "Friends" who tell me every single minute detail of their lives and express no interest in mine; who, in fact, say that something is wrong with ME if I have a problem with this arrangement. Then try to tell ME the story of MY life, regardless of whether they are correct or not.
11) The people who brought us Windows Vista, or any other Windows "upgrade." Not a damn piece of ware, hard or soft, will upload without some problem or another. You can't even plug in a simple USB device without some error message or malfunction occurring. Then, in attempting to fix the problems, the "help" function takes you through a set of steps that, after the first two clicks, in no way resemble the options presented to you by your computer.
12) My parents, for letting one of my four year old nephews play unattended in their backyard where they have a problem with poisonous snakes. My parents also for defining that nephew's three hour nap as "he's just worn out" rather than a product of his 102 fever, which they did not notice. My parents, ultimately, for their general negligence in the whole childcare department.
13) That nephew's father, my brother, for saying that my sister-in-law overreacted when she took my nephew to the emergency room because his temperature then went up to 104 degrees and he was too dehydrated to sweat, spit, or have tears when he cried. The doctors had to rehydrate him intravenously, and still, my brother said his wife overracted.
14) My other brother, who has now trained his four year old son to tell women "two in the pink, one in the stink" and call them "bitches" all because he finds this funny. This same brother for refusing to read to his son or help his son learn his ABCs because my brother thinks that reading is not important and is therefore not a skill that his son needs to learn at any great pace, if at all.* This same brother for telling this to my librarian mother for no other reason that that he knows that it will piss her off and hurt her. In fact, this same brother for treating his son as if the child is a funny trained monkey who will act out my brother's own hostilities and juvenile fantasies. This same brother for trying to turn my sweet little nephew into an asshole himself.
15) My family, for insisting that I admire and respect this brother because "he has overcome soooo much" (they mean his addictions, in which he still indulges), despite the fact that he is probably a borderline sociopath. He is absolutely a dry drunk and a bully. My family, for demanding that I like him because that means that they can indulge their Norman Rockwell fantasies.
16) Whoever decided to make Christmas the season for people to "prove their love" by going into bankruptcy from buying crappy gifts for everyone they have met in the past year and turning their homes into a carnival of electroshock therapy in lights and decorations. The conservatives who try to drum up "the war on Christmas" each year when anyone questions this holiday orgy of consumption and rising debt. Also, I should probably include the people who literally and figuratively buy into this crap, even when they can't afford to and even when they know that it is all a crock.
17) Jesus Christ, for not returning simply to smite the people who piss all over his birthday by defiling his message. Really, if war and injustice doesn't get his attention, shouldn't this? This, after all, is personal.
18) The "famous journalist and historian" (who is a famous journalist but is most decidedly NOT an historian) and the whole publicity machine that brought her to our college. Why are they assholes? Because they act as if she is the first person to ever even consider writing about the elite women of the early American republic, thereby "giving these ladies of liberty the recognition they so greatly deserve." Forget Linda Kerber and Mary Beth Norton, this "custodian of time-honored values" has "a much-needed addition to the shelves of Founding Father literature" and "sheds new light on the generation of heroines, reformers, and visionaries who helped shape our nation."** Her! No one else has ever looked at this group of women ever before! She is an asshole for using her influence to dabble in history without paying homage to the actual historians who came before her. The members of her publicity machine are assholes for promoting her as the one and only voice on the subject. The faculty member -- who is an actual historian himself, and should know better -- who brought her to campus to speak is an asshole because he also has the same hagiograhic opinion. This all also goes for the attorney who came to our campus to speak about his book on slavery and the Constitution, as if he were the first person to notice that slavery was included in and part of the debates about the Constitution. As if Paul Finkleman did not exist.
19) Me, for being jealous of #18 for all of the publicity and success associated with their books.
20) All of the people mentioned in this news story, "Will Supreme Court take case on Obama's citizenship?" found through Field Negro. Obama isn't American? Halt certification of California votes? (I get an idea that the halt does not include the yes votes on Proposition 8.) Makes me wonder what sort of crazy schemes we are going to see in the next 4 years.Bitching is done. This was a particularly pissy week. Now I paraphrase the alcoholic's prayer, "grant me the strength to change what I can." Amen.
*I'm actually in the process of writing a children's book about Frederick Douglass learning to read -- framing reading as a powerful and subversive activity -- and giving it to this nephew as a present written just for him.
**All quotes from the Amazon.com ad for her book. Watch her, or one of her minions, find this blog and file a libel suit against me!
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14 comments:
Your #8 brings up an issue that I've been wondering about. I would have thought that "A History" was correct, since the "h" is pronounced and the word therefore begins with a consonant sound. Is that incorrect?
Can I just say "amen" to your rule, and "f^ck you" from me too to the assholes you listed?
Hope your weekend is better.
Lalaroo, I keep going over and over it, and it "sounds" right, although I know that the writing rule says that it is wrong. "An History of That Place" scans odd. "A History of That Place" doesn't -- to me, at least. I was hoping a literary or language type might help me out here! Meanwhile, to point this out to the author at a book signing? WTF?
K, hell yeah! Thank you!
Not that I'm a grammarian or anything, but I always thought is was "a history" and "an historic".
why would one say an history teacher? that is just dumb. methinks your little bookboy got confused (possibly b/c his head was so far up his ass).
Research (a.k.a Google Search) revealed a plethora of books entitled "A History" and "An History." Both appear to be correct, or at least generally accepted.
Bookboy was definitely being an ass.
Well, when he writes his history book, he can call it "An History of That Place" all he wants.
I looked up "a or an" and the Purdue online writing lab was the first hit. According to them, an is used before an unsounded h, so I guess it depends on if you pronounce the "h" in history. I think in the US most people do pronounce it, but I think it might be different in the UK.
I'm with Lalaroo entirely. Unless you're a cockney and don't pronounce your aitches, I think "A History" is standard usage now. (I'm against "an historic" too--I think it sounds stilted and false. I never say or write "an histor*" anything.)
As for A-hole journalist and "historian"--it's funny how publicists they do this, and then they do it over and over again. I remember when David McCullough's John Adams came out early in the decade, and he acted as though he discovered Abigail Adams. Now, by that point (well before it actually), Abigail Adams was something of a tired cliche in American women's history. But still--McCullough acted as though no one had ever heard of her or had produced any relevant scholarship on AA. Nice trick, that. When I make it big, I'm going to give interviews that suggest that I discovered Harry Truman. So there.
Historiann.com
goddess grant me the serenity to accept the things i cannot change, the courage to change the things i can, and the wisdom to hide the bodies where they can't be found.
'tis a prayer i say frequently (of course not aloud while i'm at work :D apparently the half-way house frowns on staff encouraging criminality - imagine that)
oh, i don't use "an" unless the 'h' is silent. to me it would be "a history" and "an honour"
RE: 18
Ha, the same Constitution guy visited Concrete University. He gave the same speech about how he was so surprised about the connection between slavery and the Constitution. Since I'm a snooty graduate student, I told him that many historians have already established this connection. Then I asked how his work contributes or challenges this historiography. He flubbed the question and continued to talk about his personal surprise.
Reading this post, I cycled from outrage (fuck that bookboy!) to hilarity (jesus is such an asshole for not cleaning up this place!) and back again. Thanks for the emotional ride.
Re #1 - glad I'm not the only one who takes that view on things, and thanks for the reference to the Arana article.
Note: Arana's half Peruvian ... raised in the US ??? I detect this elite Latin American attitude of, we will exempt you from the way we treat Black people if you can show you have white blood, culture, etc.
Implicit in all this is the persistent belief that white is the ideal. Promoting people (which is what she is essentially doing) to biraciality just affirms the existing hierarchy. It needs to be eliminated not mitigated, and its historical existence - and productivity and so on - needs to be recognized.
Girl on the street take? My kids: The first kid is Hispanic of Mexican origin - but he's blonde/green-eyed. The other two are black/white. I know they identify the way they want internally, but the world sees them completely differently than they see themselves. Because of the color of their skin. Next time I hear someone say there is no longer racism in the US, I will smack them in my angry lesbian way. And again for voting for Prop 8.
Put it on www.AssholeReport.com
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