Yesterday, a student asked to speak with me privately after class. The student seemed to be hiding the fact that s/he was upset. I figured that s/he had a family emergency of some sort, maybe someone had died or worse (and there have been worse). Instead, with a slight tremor, the student said, "God wants you to know that he really loves you."
"Oh crap," I thought, "conversion alert! That, or s/he's going to object to something I said in class."
Not at all. "God wants me to tell you that he really loves you, but there is a dark presence following you." S/he shook his/her head, trying to find the right words.
"A dark presence?" I asked.
"Yes," s/he said, "like something bad is going to happen."
This student was sincerely worried. So much so that I couldn't even think of anything glib or even reassuring to say. I couldn't admit to being a non-believer because s/he seemed so disturbed by this vision.
Instead, I wanted to know how s/he was experiencing this event. "Do you see something? Maybe a cloud?"
The student struggled for words. "It's like...it's a presence, a bad presence...I don't know. I don't have the words for it." S/he looked straight at me, "God just wants you to know that he really loves you and that you should pray. You should say the rosary." The student reached into his/her pocket and pulled out his/her own. S/he held it out to me, "here, take mine if you need it."
I blinked and looked at the rosary. "That's OK," I said. "I have my own." (I didn't say that it was plastic and pink and purchased at a gift shop at the Amtrak station. That seemed profoundly disrespectful.)
I told the student that s/he was very sweet to be so concerned. I thanked the student sincerely and promised to pray. I honestly meant it, too. Then we went our separate ways.
Now, I know in reading this, many people will think "whoa! Yipes!" Atheist that I am, I still cannot bring myself to think something derogatory or sarcastic or at all negative about this encounter. The student seemed very affected by this vision that s/he had. I respect that. Down to my very guts I respect that; but I have no idea what to do with this information. I have no ideological box in which to put it.
The scientific side of my mind wonders if this is a mental illness. The anthropological side of my mind wonders how the student is experiencing this, what the student sees, how the student fits this into his/her own cosmology, what his/her own cosmology involves. The part of me that is in Jungian analysis tries to discern the the archetypes in this, and relate it to the cloud of past abuse and melancholia that actually is following me, then make a story from it. That same part wonders about this student's archetypes and how they affect the way s/he functions in the world. The teacher in me wondered what my responsibilities toward this student might be. How should I react as a teacher?*
I confess that I did tell my chair what happened, mostly because I didn't quite know how to react. That's the reason that I'm writing about it here, despite my uneasiness in talking about it at all. I do know that the very wrong reaction is sarcasm and cynicism; and I'm actually surprised at myself by the absence of both of those in my response since sarcasm and cynicism are my default.
As an individual, the encounter felt like I had walked into a different world. I live in a world in which I search for facts and understanding. There is no spiritual mystery. This student lives in a world in which there are mysteries. At no point did this student seem to assume that I don't believe in a god. In fact, the student seemed to presume that I was Catholic. The student didn't seem to want to bludgeon me with religion, which is the way that I've experienced most religious people -- they want to assert a moral authority that I don't recognize. Instead, this student just seemed very concerned about my welfare.
This student lives in a different cosmology from my own, in one in which people have visions, and in which malevolent spirits can exert force upon the material world. For a moment, I felt as if I had entered his world, alien to mine. It was jarring.
I still have no idea what to do with this encounter.
*I actually feel a little uneasy blogging about it, as if I'm violating privacy. I will delete if the consensus is that it is a violation.
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Posts
10 comments:
That is indeed odd. But telling your chair was the right thing, just in case there is mental illness involved. You showed respect, which is always a good bet.
I was brought up in a religious community where people talked like this and they were serious, believed what they said [and expected you to understand them], and were otherwise normal and high-functioning people.
I suspect that your student has been brought in a relatively isolated social environment and so perhaps doesn't have the boundaries that people who have access to people from different social environments would- that is they know better than to talk about this sort of thing 'in public'.
I don't think you should be unduly concerned about this student; a few years at university will broaden hir experience enough to teach hir new social boundaries, and I don't think it should be conceived of as a threat or anything of that nature.
I think the anthropological perspective is best- it is a different culture, with different rules- you might not understand it, but it doesn't make hir crazy or 'wrong'. And as you say, s/he wasn't trying to force hir opinion on you, so treat it as an unexpected engagement with a different culture.
I can understand how odd this was. And I think you handled it with a lot more grace and compassion than others might have!
I agree with FA that this might simply be the reality that this student lives in. I think it was a good idea to talk to the Chair as well, and may be worth a call to student psychological counseling regarding any red flags to watch out for with the student. It could be normal, or it could be indicative of a problem the student's having, or may develop into boundary issues between the student and yourself.
I think FA is right; I think what is really interesting is that the student risked so much to talk to you about it. Hir sense of impending trouble for you obviously made the alert necessary in hir mind, enough to face possible ridicule and rejection (no doubt expressed by those not as respectful as you were).
My response would likely be similar, with an added thanks. That to be taken however the student wanted to take it. From me, it would simply be an expression of appreciation for taking the risk.
A wise clergy person once framed it this way: If the person claiming to have these perceptions is functioning just fine in other ways socially, they're probably not crazy.
My own addition: But they could be emotionally coloring (and skewing) an otherwise valid perception. Valid, I should say, from within a world view that includes the spiritual and what you might term "extrasensory."
You touched on something interesting when you say you thought the person could have perceived the effects of things you have experienced in the past. It could be as simple as that, where they are not differentiating between past and future and mistakenly thinking it's future.
And also: There's a lot to learn from the nonverbal. If you want to keep something within the frame of the "factual", and not plunge into a spiritual or religious framework which isn't "real" enough for you, think of it this way: people can put things together with the tiniest pieces of nonverbal communication and observation of very subtle things, at a speed at which it would be easy to lose track in the conscious mind of how those pieces are put together.
(If you have ever read the book Dune you might get an idea of what I am talking about. It is not covered in the various movies.)
No matter which universe you choose to belong to around this issue, you (and everyone) should have a starting point of trusting your instincts. This is a habit that many modern humans have lost as they seek to focus on the "factual". That focus, while understandable, can be limiting. And it can be dangerous when someone ignores a gut feeling that something isn't right but you don't know why.
The power of the mind is amazing, however, and if someone feels they are under a cloud, they can "veto" it as much as they can be affected by it.
I also agree that this person may wind up with boundary issues, even if they are well intentioned.
So there are probably several different things going on here.
I don't know you, I just drop in on this blog once in a while. So feel free to take or leave what
I just said... it is not very organized,definitely not scientific, and not meant to be a sermon,(sounds like it, sorry!!) just to put out some things for you to think about.
Clio, it sounds like you handled this perfectly.
(It almost sounds like the beginning of a scary movie, doesn't it? Shiver.)
you handled this encounter with grace and dignity.
I personally would dismiss the "presence" and go about your daily life as if nothing had happened. but that's me...
Yea! I have a moment to respond to comments!
Thank you all for your input. I'm particularly grateful to those of you who have given me the perspective of a religious background. I'm not at all spiritual and, as I tend to joke, I was brought up in the religion of "we don't get up before noon on Sundays."
The student spoke with me today and told me of plans to enter a religious order. For someone so young -- like early 20s, if that old -- to be that devoted, well that seemed like someone who might have visions.
I don't discount the reality of what s/he sees. I'm certain that s/he sees what s/he sees, and obviously comes from a background that would interpret it in this way. So, right now, I'm taking Feminist Avatar's and Lively Clamor's approaches. I'm trying to undertand this as a meeting of cultures, of different backgrounds and cosmologies. My highly intellectualized with his highly spiritual -- without placing a value judgement on either.
Still, just to be safe, and to feel like a responsible professor, and because I am prone to psychological interpretations (too many years of therapy), I looked up the symptoms of the types of mental illnesses that involve visions. The student doesn't seem to exhibit any other signs...not that I would know any better, only having had perhaps 12-15 hours of contact with the student in both of our lives, with about 30 more in our future. Not much on which to base an uneducated diagnosis.
Ink, it certainly felt like I had walked into a story of some sort. The day was overcast, so the encounter had an unreal quality to it, like something in the science fiction/fantasy/horror genre, such as the Exorcist or the Seventh Sign or something like that, with the student as the prescient acolyte.
Belle, yes, the risk. I think that's why I took him so seriously. He seemed to realize that he was taking a risk, which was definitely something to respect.
Rest assured, I will keep you informed of further developments!
Yes, keep us informed!
Clio,
1. I don't think there is a violation of your privacy or the student's privacy.
2. These are the folks I study and while I'm thrilled that someone as observant and well-spoken as you shared this, I do think there are some concerns.
3. I wouldn't be worried about the student much, as other posters have written and as I have experienced, this is fairly normal stuff within many Christian groups. The people I study exorcise territorial demons, so I'm not surprised that a student would say something like this. So mental health issues? Probably not. In fact, among some religious folks this is "expected" religious behavior. It shows genuine concern about people that are important to you. That the student chose to say it to you shows their confidence in you and the spiritual obligation they felt to share it. These are both good things and not really something to be worried about yet.
4. That said, I worry about how this might change your interaction with the student. Discomfort, sure. I'm uncomfortable with many of my informants, but I'm not grading them (I desperately need their assistance!) Nervous, too. Going to the powers that be as a precaution? Smart to protect yourself and the university and the student. I think you handled the situation really well and while I'm secretly (and oddly) jealous, you have done the right things so far.
Post a Comment