'Tis the season in which the weather wakes the Glum. When I lived in That Place, I was certain either the sinus problems or the depression that come with this time of year would kill me. I was certain. I also remember the first time I heard of seasonal affective disorder. "S. A. D.?" I said, "sad? You've got to be kidding me." Whether there is any medical evidence, such as melatonin or serotonin or whatever brain juice balance necessary to keep you from curling up in the fetal position and gorging on chocolate, I have no idea, but it certainly feels real.
Then, of course, all of the grading that hits like an avalanche and makes my entire existence feel so futile. All of this time and sanity invested in teaching for so little pay off, and so much time taken away from my research. I despair. The only way that I can make the research move forward is to commit to something like a book review (of a book that relates to my research) or a paper or something of that sort so that I have a deadline and the fear of falling flat on my face to motivate me. So far, it has worked this semester. I have almost a whole chapter done, plus bits of others, simply by agreeing to give a paper on one of my women. I also was able to articulate some of my methods better by reviewing a book taking on similar methods.
Still, I have determined that only certain days of the week get the teaching and service time, the rest are mine for research and writing; and keeping it thus has been a monumental battle that has me completely exhausted. Worse, on the research days, I feel unentitled to research because there is ever more teaching to do. I want to research, but haven't overcome the feeling that it is a hobby rather than actual work since it isn't part of the job for which I am being paid. The closest justification that I can find is that I am supposed to be contributing to my profession, and writing a book is doing just that. I have to get over this feeling.
Meanwhile, I feel I should adjust some of my public statements about my two PITA colleagues. They are PITAs, but they aren't bad people and, indeed, aren't even bitchy. For instance, they both may be colossally unorganized and do things at half-past the last second; one may be unable to clearly delineate roles in joint projects and the other may be so self-focused that she has no idea that she runs rough-shod over other people, but neither blow up in anger, yelling and shouting, and blaming other people. I brace myself for it because I've run into so many who are like that, but the storm never comes. That's a mercy.
Of course, I have no idea what they are saying out of my hearing. They could each have blogs out there on which they are writing "that damn Clio, thinking she's better than everyone else! She's such a loner, never helping out!" Something like that.
Anyway, I'll give it to the Diva: she wants our programs to be academic, not inspirational, which is a struggle at our college since a lot of our students do need inspiration, too, and Women's History Month or Black History Month can easily turn into rah-rah church services focused on achievers rather than educational programs. She doesn't see that as our job. Our job is to be scholarly and provide access to scholarly programs and resources. I can get on board with that, even if I don't agree with some of the specifics.
For example, while I don't really think the Semi-famous Author that she has invited to our campus is the best use of our resources in relation to our students, Semi-famous Author is of some literary significance. In fact, I've gradually learned that she has an enormous appeal among women of a certain generation, women who are the majority of our English faculty, all of whom are very excited that she will be speaking to our campus. We may not have any students attend -- or only students who are most desperate for extra credit -- but faculty will definitely be there. I hope I'm wrong on the students, too.
Also, I'll give it to the Diva that she has a lot of very competent people around her and she is grateful for them. She isn't a micromanager. I also figured out that, when things have to be done, since she isn't good at clearly delineating roles, all you have to do is delineate your own. For instance, when I realized that she hadn't begun the publicity on this speaker, and that she was floundering about in getting it moving forward, I just said, "I'll do this," and listed the ways that I publicize my own events. She was very relieved and I took control of that part of the situation. She was very grateful, not at all nasty nor threatened. This is a good thing. I've worked with people who try to undermine competent people because they are afraid that the competent people will get recognition and they themselves will be pushed aside. The opposite seems to be the case here.
Oddly, I think I like a more hierarchical management style. Maybe that's not the right word. I like management in which roles and jobs are clear. In this pseudo-administrative role, I've never been clear as to what I should be doing or what is expected of me. Some of that, I admit, I do like in that I can kind of do my own thing. I'm a loner that way; but when I have to coordinate with the other campus, I'm at a loss and feel kind of unaware of things that I might should be aware of. So, I just go about my own thing, but worry that my own thing will come back to bite me. That worrying, however, is my own issue.
As for the other PITA, well, I've been warned that no amount of anything will change her. She can take a few semi-subtle hints, but only for so long, so I've learned that heading her off helps reduce my own frustration. When you are junior, you sort of have to do that. Meanwhile, since she is a writing teacher, I'm trying to learn more about how they teach writing in order to incorporate their techniques into my classes without actually committing to teaching writing -- I do have the whole of history to teach, after all!
Anyway, I feel a bit emotionally worn out this week, so I'm glad this is our break. I do wish I were somewhere futher south for the week, somewhere with clear blue water, clear blue sky, and rum-based beverages at the end of the day. Alas, gray and snow will have to do, and are probably the perfect weather for grading since I won't feel like I'm missing out on any lovely lolling, as lovely as lolling will be. Also, I know that, when I return home, the forsythia will have exploded in spectacular celebration. I saw their preparations before I left.
Monday, March 14, 2011
Wednesday, March 09, 2011
Good GAWD!
Dear Ladies, women, or whatever your desired designation, who use the restroom outside of my office suite,
You are disgusting! Really. I’ve been in reststops on the interstate, gas station Ladies’ Rooms, and campground latrines that are cleaner. How on earth do you pee on the floor? I grew up with brothers – nasty, disgusting brothers who only want to see snow so they can write their names in it with their urine – who had better aim from across the room. Urine? Feces? Blood? Smeared on the seat? In every stall? Regularly? Toilet paper streaming from the stall walls and all across the floor? HOW! WHY!
I understand not wanting your butt to touch the seat touched by other butts. I understand that you think the little paper liners are not enough. I understand that hovering may cause messes. Still, can you not clean up after yourselves? My nephews did a better job within the first months of their lives than you do twenty or more years in. Do you not realize that, in your efforts to avoid filth -- which is not so apparant at the beginning of the day -- you are contributing to greater levels of filth? Do you not understand about public health hazards? Jeez, aren’t some of you NURSING majors!
Some of us work here and have to use these facilities repeatedly. I absolutely cannot hold it for the 10 hours I spend on campus. Shoot, I’m THIS close to using the men’s room. At least they know how to aim!
Think of the women who have to clean up this mess, too. As if cleaning restrooms wasn't bad enough, as if cleaning public restrooms wasn't worse, you go an make the task even more disgusting, hazardous and time consuming.
Please, maintain a certain level of hygenie, clean up after yourselves. For all of our sakes!
Thank you,
Clio Bluestocking on behalf of the faculty and staff in the adjoining office suite (all of whom are certain that they will contract e-coli or some other noxious plague, regardless of how many times they wash their hands, simply by entering the restroom).
You are disgusting! Really. I’ve been in reststops on the interstate, gas station Ladies’ Rooms, and campground latrines that are cleaner. How on earth do you pee on the floor? I grew up with brothers – nasty, disgusting brothers who only want to see snow so they can write their names in it with their urine – who had better aim from across the room. Urine? Feces? Blood? Smeared on the seat? In every stall? Regularly? Toilet paper streaming from the stall walls and all across the floor? HOW! WHY!
I understand not wanting your butt to touch the seat touched by other butts. I understand that you think the little paper liners are not enough. I understand that hovering may cause messes. Still, can you not clean up after yourselves? My nephews did a better job within the first months of their lives than you do twenty or more years in. Do you not realize that, in your efforts to avoid filth -- which is not so apparant at the beginning of the day -- you are contributing to greater levels of filth? Do you not understand about public health hazards? Jeez, aren’t some of you NURSING majors!
Some of us work here and have to use these facilities repeatedly. I absolutely cannot hold it for the 10 hours I spend on campus. Shoot, I’m THIS close to using the men’s room. At least they know how to aim!
Think of the women who have to clean up this mess, too. As if cleaning restrooms wasn't bad enough, as if cleaning public restrooms wasn't worse, you go an make the task even more disgusting, hazardous and time consuming.
Please, maintain a certain level of hygenie, clean up after yourselves. For all of our sakes!
Thank you,
Clio Bluestocking on behalf of the faculty and staff in the adjoining office suite (all of whom are certain that they will contract e-coli or some other noxious plague, regardless of how many times they wash their hands, simply by entering the restroom).
Tuesday, March 08, 2011
Lessons in Recommendation Letter Requests
You want to apply for a fellowship. It's really cool, with four weeks in a fantastic place, learning about something that will help both your research and your teaching, and you have had wonderful experiences with similar fellowships in the past. Still,you aren’t sure if you should apply since you do have a lot of writing and research to do, so you debate about it for a while, almost too long a while. Finally, you decide to apply.
You need two recommendations. You ask someone familiar with your teaching and someone familiar with your research. You list your qualifications for the fellowship, you let them know how to tailor the recommendation. You admit to both that you are asking at the second to last minute and say that you will understand if you have given too short of a notice. You just ask that they let you know either way. Research Reference Writer says, “no problem.” That letter is off by the weekend. Teaching Reference Writer does not respond.
You have mentioned this application to Teaching Reference Writer a week earlier. Writer has written recommendations in the past, and the two of you have discussed that Writer will tweak earlier letters for this fellowship. In your request, you all but write the points that should be tweaked yourself.
You let a few days pass, knowing Teaching Reference Writer is slow on e-mail responses. Teaching Reference Writer still does not respond. You send another e-mail, knowing that time is now very short, and asking that Writer let you know either way.
Still no response. The deadline passes. You aren’t certain the status of your application, but hope Teaching Reference Writer got the letter in.
Director of the Fellowship kindly contacts you to tell you that your second letter is not there. Director gives you until the end of the week to get the letter in. You forward the message to the Writer, again saying that you will understand if Writer cannot, just let you know either way.
You receive no response. Again, you foolishly hope that the letter got there but find, on Monday morning, that it has not. The Director is more than generous in giving you another 24 hours. You forward this message again.
Then, you sit down and write your own recommendation. After all, you probably did not give enough time in the first place, and now that you have been given this gift of the extension, you might as well make this easy on the Writer. You forward this letter and tell Writer to just forward it to the director of the fellowship at the enclosed e-mail address.
You receive no response. It has been three weeks since the first request. You do receive responses to other e-mails to this person, but not to this one. You go to Writer's office. Writer is not there.
Now, at the end of the day, you are frowning. Teaching Reference Writer should be someone you can rely upon to at least say “no, not enough time” to your request. Now, you have yet another in your list of unreliable reference letter writers. People who should be otherwise but, for various individual reasons, are not (that's a subject for another blog post).
So, you change the letter to match another person’s relationship with you. You turn to them to sign off on it at well-past the last minute. That person does. You will make that person cookies, kiss that person's feet, babysit that person's cat, substitute for that person's classes at the last minute -- anything -- in return for this favor.
Next time, you will give much more time between the first request and the deadline. It is, after all, courteous. You knew this all along and your own uncertainty about applying delayed you. Next time, you will write your own “sample” recommendation letter to include with the request(although you sort of did the first time here, but let’s not quibble). Next time, you will find someone else altogether, and if that person ignores you after the first request, you will find yet someone else.
You yourself will always write a recommendation letter immediately upon request from now on in order to spare anyone else from this sort of panic. Meanwhile, you accept responsibility for your role in losing this fellowship.
Shit. It was going to be a pretty cool fellowship, too.
You need two recommendations. You ask someone familiar with your teaching and someone familiar with your research. You list your qualifications for the fellowship, you let them know how to tailor the recommendation. You admit to both that you are asking at the second to last minute and say that you will understand if you have given too short of a notice. You just ask that they let you know either way. Research Reference Writer says, “no problem.” That letter is off by the weekend. Teaching Reference Writer does not respond.
You have mentioned this application to Teaching Reference Writer a week earlier. Writer has written recommendations in the past, and the two of you have discussed that Writer will tweak earlier letters for this fellowship. In your request, you all but write the points that should be tweaked yourself.
You let a few days pass, knowing Teaching Reference Writer is slow on e-mail responses. Teaching Reference Writer still does not respond. You send another e-mail, knowing that time is now very short, and asking that Writer let you know either way.
Still no response. The deadline passes. You aren’t certain the status of your application, but hope Teaching Reference Writer got the letter in.
Director of the Fellowship kindly contacts you to tell you that your second letter is not there. Director gives you until the end of the week to get the letter in. You forward the message to the Writer, again saying that you will understand if Writer cannot, just let you know either way.
You receive no response. Again, you foolishly hope that the letter got there but find, on Monday morning, that it has not. The Director is more than generous in giving you another 24 hours. You forward this message again.
Then, you sit down and write your own recommendation. After all, you probably did not give enough time in the first place, and now that you have been given this gift of the extension, you might as well make this easy on the Writer. You forward this letter and tell Writer to just forward it to the director of the fellowship at the enclosed e-mail address.
You receive no response. It has been three weeks since the first request. You do receive responses to other e-mails to this person, but not to this one. You go to Writer's office. Writer is not there.
Now, at the end of the day, you are frowning. Teaching Reference Writer should be someone you can rely upon to at least say “no, not enough time” to your request. Now, you have yet another in your list of unreliable reference letter writers. People who should be otherwise but, for various individual reasons, are not (that's a subject for another blog post).
So, you change the letter to match another person’s relationship with you. You turn to them to sign off on it at well-past the last minute. That person does. You will make that person cookies, kiss that person's feet, babysit that person's cat, substitute for that person's classes at the last minute -- anything -- in return for this favor.
Next time, you will give much more time between the first request and the deadline. It is, after all, courteous. You knew this all along and your own uncertainty about applying delayed you. Next time, you will write your own “sample” recommendation letter to include with the request(although you sort of did the first time here, but let’s not quibble). Next time, you will find someone else altogether, and if that person ignores you after the first request, you will find yet someone else.
You yourself will always write a recommendation letter immediately upon request from now on in order to spare anyone else from this sort of panic. Meanwhile, you accept responsibility for your role in losing this fellowship.
Shit. It was going to be a pretty cool fellowship, too.
Wednesday, March 02, 2011
General Griping
Here are some random things that annoy me today:
1) Professors who, when they don't like the way something at the college works, say, "this would never happen in the 'real world' or business." You know what, dude? If the "real world" or business is so much superior, then what does it say about you that you are here?
2) Anyone who refers to college or work as a professor as not being "the real world." Feels real to me. If it is so un-real, then why do so many people seem to want to attack it?
3) When people tell you "I wish I had the time to do all of the [committee, research, overload, service, program planning, whatever-it-is-you-do-in-addition-to-regular-teaching-load] that you do." Sure, they think it is a compliment, but it feels more like an insult. It also feels like they are saying that these other things that you do (committee, research, overload, service, program planning, whatever-it-is-you-do-in-addition-to-regular-teaching-load)are hobbies and not part of our jobs. Seriously, do not get into a pissing contest about being overworked around here because we will all be swimming in a sea of urine.
4) When I spend nearly 25-30 hours a week at the office -- that's in class, office hours, AND up to 7-12 hours above and beyond my regular office hours, with e-mails and postings about any changes in office hours -- and answer e-mails within 48 hours (which is way better than my record for personal e-mails, which end up a tht bottom of the list because I'm answering all of these), and yet there are always those students (and one or two colleagues) who bitch about how I'm "never available" or "ignore" their e-mails.
5) People who think a "real job" means sitting at a desk from 9 to 5 with a receptionist to answer your phone when you are not there.
6) People who treat the administrative assistant like a personal servant.
7) Men at the gym whose conversations with one another involve simultaneous yelling. Then, they slam down the plates. Jeez, dudes! I should not hear your voice above the earbuds sitting an inch away from my eardrums unless you are shouting "FIRE!" or "MAN WITH GUN!" or "HELP! I'M CAUGHT UNDER THIS WEIGHT!"
8) People who think that the Tea Party was an honest-to-god populist protest against serious national problems, but then turn around and say that people like the union protesters in Wisconsin -- people whose actual rights and actual standard of living are actually being threatened by actual legislation actually being voted on -- are lazy and undemocratic.
9) People who start off discussions about that demonstration by saying, "there is bad behavior on both sides." That false equivalency pisses me off because it is feigning the bullshit of "bipartisanship."
10) The bullshit of "bipartisanship."
11) People who think that women's health needs are somehow a special interest, or luxuries. As if a pap smear or a mammogram or pre-natal care or birth control are optional, like a face lift or a vanity-driven boob job.
12) People who have never spent a day of their lives in front of a classroom trying to tell teachers of any sort how to do their jobs.
13) Anyone who says, "why does it have to be 'women's history' or 'black history'? Isn't it all just history?" They aren't asking an honest question, they just think that they are being clever, and they really don't think that anything other than wars and elections are important -- and only the major actors in wars and elections, too. Because, you know, as I've heard it put on more than one occasion, "slaves/women didn't really DO anything." Yeah, well, based on the criteria for that assessment, neither did you, d00d.
14) PMS grouchy time -- which seems to be a feature of perimenopause. Also, the fact that menopause is still not bursting into bloom. In fact, now that I think of it, there should be an Are You There God? It's Me Margaret for menopause. Margret couldn't wait to get her period. Some of us can't wait to get rid of it.
15) Traffic. Just because. When I get to my deathbed, if there is a benevolent and just god, that god shall return to me all of the hours I have spent parked in traffic, and return with them the youth and vitality that were wasted along with them.
16) That I desperately desperately want to enter the Peeps Diorama contest again this year, but know that my creativity is needed elsewhere. Damn! And I have a really good idea, too, to honor the Wisconsin demonstrators: "Power to the Peeple!"
17) When I say things and say things and say them again, and yet people still don't seem to comprehend my actual words. THEN, they say exactly what I said and act like it is a brand new idea that they just came up with.
18) PITA colleagues. Especially when they put you on a "need-to-know" basis and treat you like a servant to their vanity projects, then try to convince you that you are "such a big help" and that they are doing you such a big favor. I know the smell of bullshit.
19) The fact that I am making this list and not getting down to business.
20) The fact that I can't think up a decent #20 but actually worked to come up with the last several items so that I could round the list out to 20.
The End.
1) Professors who, when they don't like the way something at the college works, say, "this would never happen in the 'real world' or business." You know what, dude? If the "real world" or business is so much superior, then what does it say about you that you are here?
2) Anyone who refers to college or work as a professor as not being "the real world." Feels real to me. If it is so un-real, then why do so many people seem to want to attack it?
3) When people tell you "I wish I had the time to do all of the [committee, research, overload, service, program planning, whatever-it-is-you-do-in-addition-to-regular-teaching-load] that you do." Sure, they think it is a compliment, but it feels more like an insult. It also feels like they are saying that these other things that you do (committee, research, overload, service, program planning, whatever-it-is-you-do-in-addition-to-regular-teaching-load)are hobbies and not part of our jobs. Seriously, do not get into a pissing contest about being overworked around here because we will all be swimming in a sea of urine.
4) When I spend nearly 25-30 hours a week at the office -- that's in class, office hours, AND up to 7-12 hours above and beyond my regular office hours, with e-mails and postings about any changes in office hours -- and answer e-mails within 48 hours (which is way better than my record for personal e-mails, which end up a tht bottom of the list because I'm answering all of these), and yet there are always those students (and one or two colleagues) who bitch about how I'm "never available" or "ignore" their e-mails.
5) People who think a "real job" means sitting at a desk from 9 to 5 with a receptionist to answer your phone when you are not there.
6) People who treat the administrative assistant like a personal servant.
7) Men at the gym whose conversations with one another involve simultaneous yelling. Then, they slam down the plates. Jeez, dudes! I should not hear your voice above the earbuds sitting an inch away from my eardrums unless you are shouting "FIRE!" or "MAN WITH GUN!" or "HELP! I'M CAUGHT UNDER THIS WEIGHT!"
8) People who think that the Tea Party was an honest-to-god populist protest against serious national problems, but then turn around and say that people like the union protesters in Wisconsin -- people whose actual rights and actual standard of living are actually being threatened by actual legislation actually being voted on -- are lazy and undemocratic.
9) People who start off discussions about that demonstration by saying, "there is bad behavior on both sides." That false equivalency pisses me off because it is feigning the bullshit of "bipartisanship."
10) The bullshit of "bipartisanship."
11) People who think that women's health needs are somehow a special interest, or luxuries. As if a pap smear or a mammogram or pre-natal care or birth control are optional, like a face lift or a vanity-driven boob job.
12) People who have never spent a day of their lives in front of a classroom trying to tell teachers of any sort how to do their jobs.
13) Anyone who says, "why does it have to be 'women's history' or 'black history'? Isn't it all just history?" They aren't asking an honest question, they just think that they are being clever, and they really don't think that anything other than wars and elections are important -- and only the major actors in wars and elections, too. Because, you know, as I've heard it put on more than one occasion, "slaves/women didn't really DO anything." Yeah, well, based on the criteria for that assessment, neither did you, d00d.
14) PMS grouchy time -- which seems to be a feature of perimenopause. Also, the fact that menopause is still not bursting into bloom. In fact, now that I think of it, there should be an Are You There God? It's Me Margaret for menopause. Margret couldn't wait to get her period. Some of us can't wait to get rid of it.
15) Traffic. Just because. When I get to my deathbed, if there is a benevolent and just god, that god shall return to me all of the hours I have spent parked in traffic, and return with them the youth and vitality that were wasted along with them.
16) That I desperately desperately want to enter the Peeps Diorama contest again this year, but know that my creativity is needed elsewhere. Damn! And I have a really good idea, too, to honor the Wisconsin demonstrators: "Power to the Peeple!"
17) When I say things and say things and say them again, and yet people still don't seem to comprehend my actual words. THEN, they say exactly what I said and act like it is a brand new idea that they just came up with.
18) PITA colleagues. Especially when they put you on a "need-to-know" basis and treat you like a servant to their vanity projects, then try to convince you that you are "such a big help" and that they are doing you such a big favor. I know the smell of bullshit.
19) The fact that I am making this list and not getting down to business.
20) The fact that I can't think up a decent #20 but actually worked to come up with the last several items so that I could round the list out to 20.
The End.
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