Bust Enhancement Diet

I have discovered an inexpensive, pain-free, and fun alternative to cosmetic breast enhancement surgery (not recommended for women requiring surgery after a mastectomy):

The Bust Enhancement Diet (aka The Ireland Diet).

The diet includes these ingredients:

1. Alcohol. I, myself, prefer hard cider or wine; but your best results may come from heavy beer.
2. Carbohydrates, specifically in the form of bread -- lots of yummy bread
3. Dairy, cheese and chocolate -- mmmmmmm, cheese and chocolate!

Enjoy as much as you like of all three, and within six week you will go up a full cup size. A VERY full cup size.

You may also enhance the enhancing with push-ups. These will help build the muscle, thereby adding to your success, and counteract the forces of gravity.

Bonus:
May also cause increase of hips, butt and thighs, giving you an hour glass figure. My own current measurements have not yet reached those of Jayne Mansfield, but they are certainly within Sophia Loren territory, or Ava Gardner, just with a thicker waist (of course, all of those women most certainly cheated and wore corsets to measure their waists -- also, middle age does tend to take up more space). My goal is Helen Mirren because she is full of awesome.

Warnings:
Do not see a doctor before embarking upon this diet for she will surely discourage you from it. It's far too tasty to be healthy!