Remember the days when Bill Clinton smoked but didn't inhale? I used to joke that, after having gone to so many concerts at which people turned the entire venue into one big bong, I had inhaled but hadn't smoked. Really! Thus, I could become president without question (except for the whole having a vagina thing. Oh, and the feminist thing).
Now, my vagina and its associated lady parts have entered the same twisted world of semantics. You see, for the past ten years I have had sex. In fact, I have had sex out of wedlock, sometimes kinky, and in sometimes unconventional arrangements. Yet, by the most recent definition of the word, I am not a slut. I am not a slut because I have not taken birth control in the past decade.
Before you gasp and chastise me for irresponsibility, let me assure you that I consider condoms to be disease rather than birth control, and I have had some more permanent measures in place that ensure no babies. Ever.
Yet, despite those permanent measures and despite having just received my monthly bill, I seem to be pregnant. Can you beleive it? A few years ago I had learned that, as a woman, I should always consider myself to be in a state of pre-pregnancy, but now, according to the state of Arizona, I actually am pregnant. I didn't even have to conceive! This is going to come as a HUGE surprise to my empty uterus.
Is there no end to the dumbassery?
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For the humor and satire challenged, please note that I am NOT actually pregnant. Before the permanent measures, I always took birth control pills AND used a condom; and, I think the term "slut"is narrow, regressive, gynophobic and misogynist and utterly without meaning in the real world in which actual women live.
Tuesday, April 17, 2012
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5 comments:
Hey, well if we're all pregnant now, can we all hold baby showers? And ask for stuff for OURSELVES?
And on the topic of slutmantics, you might get a kick out of this video clip (if nothing else, for the happy dancing):
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fZK75pXLlbY
Congratulations on a miraculous pre-pregnancy!
You kind of wonder when the crazy will stop.
Notorious Ph.D.: That video is hilarious! "Responsible with my behind!"
And yes, yes, a baby shower with stuff for ourselves! And cake!
Susan: Thank you!
If only it were just crazy -- you can treat a mental illness. I'm afraid it is either willful hate or something deeper as described by Comradde Physioproffe. Does that make me intolerant for thinking that? Then, I suppose I'm intolerant.
Holy shit, that means I'm pregnant 24 out of 28 days. Won't everyone I know be surprised... Next they'll decide our periods are illegal, because they make us not-pregnant for a few days a month. Alternatively that our periods are our children. Who do I see about child support 12x per year??
Now, Digger, don't go give them any ideas!
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